Something about Thursdays

I’ve sat here all day wondering if I should even write a blog about this. But after some encouragement from my team I’ve landed on the truth that I should.

“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:15-16 NIV

Thursday’s here at base consist of not going out to our individual ministries but instead morning worship, and a message about one of the 5 offices of ministry (Ephesians 4:11-13). This week in  particular, Apostleship. To be completely honest, before listening to this message I could not have told you what that word meant.

Simply put, apostleship is finding where on Earth something doesn’t look like Heaven and calling Heaven into that thing.

After our teaching our teams leave with another teams leader and an AIM base staff member, this week we were with Banks (one of the boys team’s leader) and Jackie (the base intern). We pilled in the van to head over to Parramos and after praying as a group, and splitting into 2 smaller teams started walking down the street. As Banks, Hannah, Claire, and I got deeper and deeper into the back streets of Parramos Banks suggested we find a store owner and start a conversation, however, the Lord quickly said, “Change of plans” and almost instantaneously after Banks said that a frantic man speaking only in Spanish came up from behind us and grabbed our attention. Banks and I both knowing very little Spanish tried to figure out his story. We were able to understand he has been living on the street after this wife kicked him out of the house and has gone 4 days without food. Not long after his friend came stumbling his way down the street. He would inch closer saying “Perdón” (Excuse me) in a slurred way which made it very evident that he was under the influence.

Banks, Hannah, and I all having alcohol problems run in the background of our families knew we had to do something for these guys. However, Claire and I both noticed that in the shop on the other side of the street there were 3 women peaking their heads out the door and shaking them, as to say “don’t help these guys”. I make my way over to them and use Google Translate to try and get a clear message on what they were saying.

I make my way back over to the rest of the group which have now migrated with the men a couple meters down the street to a tienda conveniently located on the corner. I tell Banks what the woman said, which he responded something along the lines of “Even if they really don’t need the food, I’m willing to spend a couple Quetzals to share the gospel with them.” Banks went into the tienda and bought them each 2 bags of chips. Banks and I got to know Brandon more (the man who originally came up first) and Hannah and Claire got to know Jose more. Using Google Translate we asked them questions about their story, if they know the Lord, and if we can pray for them. You could just feel the spiritually heaviness surrounding their situations, they are both so broken. We sat with them, sharing the gospel, and asking the Holy Spirit to provide the words to tell these men. For the hour we spent with them, Jose spent most of the time weeping, you could tell that the Lord was encountering him in a way that he’s never experienced before.

We repeatedly told them that they are not too far from Jesus, but instead He wants to be invited into their lives and turn it around. That He can use their stories as a testimony, a story to then help others come to Jesus. I then felt called to go talk to the woman again. I walked back down the street and Claire made her way down too. Using only Google Translate I explained how we are missionaries form the United States and understand that these men may not need the physical help, and this could all be an act, but there is such a spiritual need in their lives that can only be filled by one thing. They are broken and need Someone (I capitalize it because it represents Jesus) in their lives to place them back on solid ground. They responded with something along the lines of “That beautiful” and you could tell the Lord was also working to soften their hearts. The Lord then placed on my heart to use my broken Spanish, “Es tu familia tienda?” (Is this your families shop?). After finding out it was Claire and I prayed over their shop and that it would provide for their families, but they know it’s only because of the goodness of our Lord.

Claire and I walk back down the street to the corner tienda where part of Bank’s team and one of the AIM Base staff members has now joined us. If I’m being completely honest, having a couple extra guys now here definitely made me feel a little safer. I wouldn’t like to admit that I had fear, because I know we had Jesus protecting us, however, seeing how alcohol can make a person act in my own life instilled a little nervousness in me. Our time to talk with these men was running out as we had to return back to the park to debrief in the park with the other part of our team before returning back to base. Right before leaving Jose and Brandon stood up, and because Jose was clearly not fully conscious some of his mannerisms (while not something he can control) made me a little nervous, the feeling of fear started to creep in again. He often would choose someone to stare at, and just look straight into your eyes and slowly inch closer. Before we left, he locked eyes with me and while my stomach had felt like it dropped from the minute we felt the spiritually heaviness of what that day entailed, it now dropped even lower. I didn’t know what he was going to do next, was he calm simply just going to say goodbye, or was he about to get violent and grab me. Looking in his eyes you saw nothing. It was blank. And that was what broke me, typically you can tell a lot about a person by their eyes, but all you could see in his was brokenness. Years of trying to find relief from reality in drugs and alcohol, but not finding what he was looking for. You could see hopelessness, numbness, and desperation. Leaving felt wrong, we are missionaries, we should try to get them the help they need. But knowing that Bank’s team was going to stay for a few extra minutes made saying our goodbyes easier and assured them we will be continually praying from them.

Not even getting to the end of the first block walking back Bank’s suggests we stop and pray. All 3 of us were tearing up leaving the guys, and by the end of praying all 3 of us were fully in tears. Let me clarify, these weren’t tears of hopelessness for these men, more so tears of the Lord truly broke our hearts for what breaks His on top of alcohol being a heavy subject for Hannah and I already. Upon arriving at the park we see Alexina, Kayley and their leader Jackie smiling and making their way towards us until they see our red, wet faces and you can see their smiles turn to looks of concern. We debriefed on a park bench as a group and explained how our evangelism went. Between tears we tried to find the words to describe what happened, and I can confidently say that all 3 of us are so thankful that we had Banks and Jackie because of their experience and wisdom on how to process what just happened.

Hannah, Claire and I found ourselves barely being able to hold it together on the van ride back to base. Not to mention, as soon as our bedroom door closed we all lost it. So many emotions were flowing through. From heart break, to the relating to our own stories, and wishing we could have done more to get them help. The emotions stayed with us most of the day, it’s hard to simply shake off an interaction like that. We sat down just the 3 of us with Banks and talked about it, praise the Lord for him because not once did he make us feel bad for having the emotions we had, but instead help us understand why we did.

As I write this I look back into my journal to one of my prayers.

October 31st,- “Overwhelm me with emotions from you, break my heart for what breaks yours.”

November 2nd- My heart broke for Brandon and Jose

Did I expect Him to break it that fast? No! Did I expect Him to break it in that way? No!

But I am so glad he did.

The Lord truly taught me so much that day. While anyone looking at me from the hours of 1:30-5:00pm may have thought I was simply sad, (and pre-race Katie may have thought the same thing), I can now pinpoint as heart break. Something vastly different than simply sadness.  We can actually see Jesus experience heart break in scripture, John 11:28-35, the story of Lazarus. Verse 35, “Jesus wept.” However, something we see at the end of this story is Lazarus being raised from the dead. Similarly, how Jesus’s heart broke for Lazarus and He saved him I believe that Jesus’s heart breaks for Brandon and Jose. However, I know that’s not the end of the story and He will save them too. He will turn their brokenness into something beautiful. They will find what they are searching for in the arms of Jesus. They will be a beautiful testament to His love and grace.

There is something about Thursdays man! The Lord always places the right people in my path that have provided me with testimonies that when you hear them you know… it’s only God. This is one of those testimonies that I feel no matter how much I write, or try to explain nothing will do it justice. However, He’s provided the stories, and the fear of not sharing it well enough is not going to stop me from sharing His goodness with everyone.