Anxiety is a real thing, a thing the devil will use to his advantage to try and get you. The devil can’t see our thoughts, so he uses our emotions and actions to try and stir our hearts and pressure our minds.
The easiest way to describe this, since so much GOOD STUFF happened in such a short time, is a timeline!:
FRIDAY (July 14th):
Friday is the first day of my weekend because of my work schedule, and because my mom works Fridays I take them as personal adventure days. A little bit of background, I’m a HUGE thrifter! I love thrifting, when I was little I remember my mom taking me to Goodwill and I would walk (what then felt like being dragged) the isles with her. Back then thrifting was something boring, now it’s a full-day activity! I spent Friday thrifting away, hitting every thrift store within a 30-mile radius of my house. I’m not exaggerating when I say I hit 5 thrift stores. I got some coffee and chick-fil-a, which made the day great, but I felt a constant pressure on my mind and heart about leaving soon. The thought about leaving my little sisters, just now beginning to build a relationship with my dad, and having some other family relationships that need to be mended flooded my mind and clouded my view. I thought of whether World Race was where I am supposed to be and where God is calling me. This was very overwhelming as World Race was the first thing that wasn’t bringing me any second thoughts or worries and was confused why I’m all of a sudden feeling pulled away.
Later that night, my mom and I got ice cream at a small shop downtown and talked about our day. She was saying how she didn’t feel herself, which come to find out was linked to her having an instinct that I wasn’t okay either. She asked me how I was feeling about World Race and I was completely honest with her and started tearing up. She suggested I call my Godmother as she went on a long-term trip right after high school and might have some wisdom. I texted her and we set up a time to call and talk about everything that Sunday.
Saturday (July 15th):
It’s not often I have a Saturday completely free, and since I did this Saturday was particular! I drove down to my dad’s house to go take my sisters out for the day, we got sushi, took a little hike, and got ice cream. However, despite my mind being distracted seeing my sisters made the thoughts push harder. I don’t get to see them often and you can tell that they are now at an age where they can conceptualize why I’m not there all the time and what’s happening. I decided to not waste the long drive and used the time listening to worship music and praying that God would make it clear what I am supposed to do. I’d like to describe Saturday like Saturday is around Easter time… quiet, filled with thought, and waiting to see what happens next.
Sunday (July 16th):
But then just like on Easter Sunday, BOOM!!! Sunday was a huge God-moment day. After church, my mom and I went out for lunch, I came home and took a short post-church nap, and waited for my Godmother to call me. When she called she kept saying I should just GO FOR IT! She reassured me the Lord has called me to this, having these worries are normal, and that going on this trip might help spread Jesus’s love to my family who have yet to accept Jesus into their lives. Honestly, at this point, I was very short-spoken, I wasn’t getting the answer I was looking for. The devil had poured so much doubt and guilt into my heart that I had almost decided to give up on the race. But, I realized that it wasn’t my Godmother (Aunt Amii) speaking to me, it was Jesus speaking through her telling me to not give up. She had changed my perspective, and it was then that I realized all the doubt and guilt was solely from the devil, God hadn’t changed His call for my life, but the devil was pulling me away from that call. He knows how amazing of an experience this is going to be for everyone, the people serving, being served, donors, and family and friends reading the blogs from home.
But the story doesn’t end there! Later that night my mom and I did our Sunday thrift run (because that’s when they restock the racks), I looked at the clothes, and my mom looked at house decor and books. I noticed today she had an abundance of books. Most being devotionals and Christian journals. When we get home she comes into my room and hands me a piece of paper that looks a little weathered and sun damaged. She said how this was tucked into one of the books she got. The paper had Hebrews 12:1 written on it, “Let us run with perseverance the RACE that is set before us.”
She then told me that there were actually 2 copies of the book at the thrift store and she almost bought the other one, but last minute decided to take the one she did. There is absolutely no way that that was in there on accident. HUGE GOD MOMENT!! That little piece of pink weathered paper is now taped on the wall above my desk.
TODAY (July 18th):
I can confidently say that all doubt and guilt that I had not even a full week ago is now fully washed away and the joy and hope I once had is restored back into my soul! I had never been attacked by the devil to that severity before, he tried, he really did, and he almost had me. But he didn’t win, Jesus did! He won against death, He won against the devil, and He continues to win now!
I share this in hopes that my story might help someone else who is going through a spiritual battle with the devil. Knowing that his voice, although confusing and the easiest thing to do is just give up, is just a tangled mess of lies. Let the Lord pull you back in, untangle the mess, and restore the joy He freely gives! Stay strong in your relationship with the Lord and let Him fight the battle, He is sure to win!
